husband has these relationships with "needy" women and helps them with different things. he says its just helping. sometimes i tell him that he is doing too much and then i become the villian, when i thing about i feel stupid for allowing it to go on for

It sounds like you're feeling frustrated and hurt by your husband's relationships with these women, especially if you feel that he doesn’t fully acknowledge the impact on your marriage. It’s completely valid to have concerns about boundaries and the dynamics of these friendships, especially if they seem to be one-sided or if they make you feel uncomfortable. Here are some things to consider: 1. **Communication**: It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your feelings. Try to express your concerns without blaming him, focusing on how these relationships affect you and your sense of security in the marriage. 2. **Boundaries**: Discuss what boundaries you feel are necessary for both of you. It’s healthy for both partners in a marriage to have friendships outside the relationship, but those friendships should not come at the expense of the relationship itself. 3. **Support**: It might help to talk about the type of support you’d like from him. If he’s helping needy individuals, maybe there are ways he can do that that don’t involve deep emotional connections or time-consuming commitments. 4. **Self-Reflection**: Take time to reflect on why you feel the way you do and what boundaries are important to you. It’s understandable to feel hurt when someone else doesn’t acknowledge your presence in their life, especially in your husband's case. 5. **Prioritize Your Relationship**: Make sure to emphasize that your relationship is important and should take precedence. Discuss how these dynamics could potentially impact your marriage long-term. 6. **Seeking Help**: If it continues to be a point of contention, consider couples counseling. A neutral third party can help facilitate discussions and help both of you understand each other's perspectives. Ultimately, your feelings matter, and addressing them in a constructive way can help strengthen your marriage. It’s important for both of you to feel heard and valued.