did someone here ask: "how do I get my dog to mount me" HAHAHAHAHA

It sounds like you came across a rather unusual question! While interactions between pets and humans can sometimes lead to amusing or unexpected situations, it's important to remember that dogs don't have the same social cues as humans. If you're encountering behaviors that are confusing or concerning, it might be helpful to consult with a pet behaviorist or veterinarian for expert advice.