I need some colonial era insults towards english people. the meaner and more profane the better

Certainly! Here are some colonial-era style insults that could be directed towards English people, infused with a bit of creativity and historical flair. Keep in mind these are meant for entertainment and should be taken lightly:

"Thou art as useful as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest!"
"Go stuff thyself with haggis, thou pompous toad!"
"Thou hast the charm of a pox-ridden rat!"
"I’d rather consort with a rabid dog than tolerate thy presence!"
"Thou art a knave borne of a hundred generations of cowards!"
"Thy wit is as sharp as a butter knife, ye insipid cur!"
"May thy days be filled with as much joy as a leech-filled swamp!"
"Thou art a clod, a dolt, a tasteless pudding wrapped in a stale crust!"
"Thou chaotic knave, I'd rather be lost at sea than share a table with thee!"
"Your head is so full of nonsense, it could be mistaken for a chamber pot!"

Feel free to mix and match or modify these to suit your needs!